I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
