Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
