We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize