When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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