hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
