is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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