Just fell off a train. Bad.
He passed out mid-signature
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
