yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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