saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
