Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Help. Why am I so naked?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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