You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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