[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
