My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
