No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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