1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
