There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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