apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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