Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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