she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
