My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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