Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
