McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
