Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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