my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
