I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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