Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize