Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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