I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
