We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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