woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
