You're so nebulous sometimes
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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