When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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