My sheets look like a crime scene.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
