Are we in a gay sports bar?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
