My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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