$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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