I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
