we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
