Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so explain again why im purple
no
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
