When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
