I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
