I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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