I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I want a musical about memes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
