what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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