Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
