john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
