She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
