I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
