I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
