shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
