I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
