I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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