sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
