My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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