Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
