she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
