between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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