Just fell off a train. Bad.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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