Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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