At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
