My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
