Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
