Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
