i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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