If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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