I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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