I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
