Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
