well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
