Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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