He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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