Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
