My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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