i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
