i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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