Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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