New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
