I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
