I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize