but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
