maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
