i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
