I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
