Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
