I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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